Waiting for a spanking

Dear diary,
I'm nervous. I'm waiting for a spanking, while my bottom are still sore from 2 spankings yesterday and the day before. Part of me is scared about the pain, hoping Marc will go easy on me... but another big part of me is hoping he will be strict, hoping he won't stop when I ask but just stop when he feel i have had enough, hoping he will take the spanking and discipline things seriously....
Although we were doing this for more than 2 years, but nothing has improved much. I really wish he could read and understand my blogs and other blogs too. Now only me can tell him what I need or how to do it, and it's too much the same as topping from the bottom... I don't like it *sigh*
Continue waiting, and hoping ....